She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
