Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
All the doctor said was why
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize