If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
