Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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