the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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