Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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