i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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