Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
