I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
