Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
