We're like a lot better than the average bears
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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