my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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