i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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