everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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