Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
