My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
