big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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