get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
