Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
