Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
