I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize