YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hello my rib-scented angel!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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