shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
