Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
