but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Barsexuality is the new black.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
