he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You are the jesus of drinking
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
tell me about the eggs
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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