come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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