And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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