Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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