I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Boobs speak an international language.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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