Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
