I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
