I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
