I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
