dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We left the knife in your bed.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
