roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
