I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
