You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
