Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You need Xanax blowdarts
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
