omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
