hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize