guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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