today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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