So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
