I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The ass gains better be worth it
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