if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
