He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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