I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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