I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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