Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
