Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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