But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
