she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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