I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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