so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
