I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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