Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
