only if we run a train.
done.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
