i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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