she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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