So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
