hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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