his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
