I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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