so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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