The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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