The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
