btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
