i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
