So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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