I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize