Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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