dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
