Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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