But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
