i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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