another moral hangover. fuck.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
