I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
