Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
