i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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