Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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